Long Weekend = Long Post

After a restful Friday and Saturday morning, Trevor and I thought that we would take the kids, drive to SLC and visit Brinnlie, then maybe stop at Temple Square or something fun with the other kids.  In order to do this we would have to take turns going into the NICU ‘cause no one under 14 can enter.  Trevor went first while I sat with the kids in the waiting room with a snack.  My turn came and I headed in---so far so good.  Brinnlie was great, everything the same as when we left Thursday and called Friday.  The nurse was ready-ing to do her cares, so she turned that responsibility to me!  I got to take her temperature and change her diaper!  I was grateful to do this, it made me feel like she was really mine and made me feel wonderful to do something for her!  I sat for awhile at her bedside and then headed back into the unit to the pumping room and had the most calming and reassuring feeling that ‘we were going to make it and all would be well’, which gave me a moment of smiles and peace.

As I headed back to Brinnlie’s bedside---chaos was happening all around.  I heard the Nurse Practitioner say ‘we need to transport her, but I can’t get a hold of her parents’, and I saw an x-ray being taken.  Stunned in my tracks, they saw me and rushed to speak to me.  She needed to go to Primary’s for surgery and Life Flight Transport was on their way.  A rush of emotion and heart-ache replaced that little joyful moment within seconds.  They couldn’t find Trevor outside the unit so I called and thankfully his phone had a signal and he came right back---just as he rounded the corner, the double doors opened and there I was listening to the Neonatologist, me obviously upset.  He explained to Trevor what was going on, while I held Gunnar and Macie tight and tried to control myself for their sake (which I wasn’t very successful at, and they knew something was wrong).

Something was wrong.  Earlier that day they had taken an x-ray of Brinnlie’s chest to make sure the placement of her breathing tube was correct and had gotten the report back while I was pumping.  They had found air in her abdominal cavity and believed it was from a perforated intestine.  Bad.  This means that the contents of her gut was entering her system and blood stream, which causes infection and left untreated, death.  Hence, the chaos and fast transport.  The nurses took the kids so Trevor and I could be at her bedside while they readied her, Trevor gave her the most precious Father’s Blessing and they were off.

We followed behind as they wheeled her from the University Hospital to Primary’s and stopping just before the NICU doors, the sweet nurse pulled out a disposable camera and took our first family photo (which hasn’t been developed yet) and the kids got to see their little sister for the first time before they took her back behind the double doors again.

Trevor went back to get the paperwork going and I sat in the waiting room, trying to hold it together, the kids playing with the toys and asking questions---a sweet grandma of a baby in the unit sat beside me and put her arm around me and said to go back with Trevor and she would watch the kids.  In a normal situation, I would have second-guessed this offer and said no, but I just knew she would be good to them and it was okay to leave them with her.  Kathy, from Washington state, became an instant surrogate grandma that afternoon and ended up staying with the kids until Michelle and Shawna got there to take them home.  A blessing at just the right time when we needed someone---(we still see her at the unit and give her hugs, we will be ever so grateful to her)---

They took Brinnlie to surgery around 6:45 and said it would be 1-3 hours and they would come talk with us as soon as they were done and we could go back with her when she was stable.  After 3 hours, time was still ticking and no word. Finally, the Dr. came and told us all went considerably well and that the problem was the least serious one of the scenarios we got earlier.  One small hole in the intestine, which meant an illiostimy(spelling?) in which they bring that part of her intestine to the outside of her body and the contents of her gut (poop) goes into a bag instead of going through her colon etc., and waiting ‘till she gets about 6-9 pounds before closing it and putting things back into place.  Good news---bad news, she’s so tiny now that her blood clotting ability hasn’t been established yet so she was bleeding quite a bit, and having to receive transfusion constantly to keep up what was being lost. 

We waited for the nurses to say we could go to her bedside, but time kept getting longer and after checking 2 or 3 times, they finally let us back.  She still wasn’t stable and they were still working to get her so---they wanted us there in case things didn’t get better.  It was rough going and through the night we prepared ourselves and thought we were going to lose her here on earth.  Such a faith trying, testimony relying, prayer saying, emotional exhausting night into Sunday morning.  We got a little rest and attended rounds around 10 Sunday morning.  We came away with some hope, her bleeding had finally stopped and she was responding to the blood infusions---the Dr told us we had hope and that we should continue---he would tell us if we were at the point to make a different decision, this gave us comfort ‘cause this was one struggle we were having throughout the night, and we had come to the realization that there was a chance that we may have to make a decision concerning how far we should go, and whether we were holding her back from returning to our Heavenly Father. 

With things steady for the moment we decided to head downstairs to get something to eat and happened to come across the sign for sacrament services at that very time, so we went.  It was so wonderful to sit and listen to the words of the music and the prayers and renew our covenants with the Lord.  I came away with such a comfort and renewed testimony of our Lord and Savior and for the things that I know are true.  No matter what, I know that we will be ok and Brinnlie will be ours forever and although it will be hard whatever the outcome, this gives peace.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me and knows me and will be there for me, I just have to submit to Him and have faith in His plan.

Sunday was still touch and go.  Her blood pressures were low throughout the day and that was the major thing trying to get them stable.  As time went by, she looked better and better and finally she consistently was stable.  We went to sleep with a sigh of relief for now.  Monday she had some blood pressure issues still, but they were able to control them and we waited for head-ultrasound results.  In premature babies they worry about bleeding in the brain and her being so small, she has an increased chance for this.  She had had 2 other ultrasounds at University and they looked good, so we were hoping for this outcome on this, but were concerned because of the events in the past two days.  At about 11:00 in the morning we were still waiting for rounds and told that they were running behind because of new admissions, so we went back to the sleep room for a nap---4 hours later we jumped awake and got back at her bedside, received the update from rounds and still waited for ultrasound results.  At 4 they came in…looking good still :)!  They will follow up with another one in a week, hopefully, they will continue to be good.  With heavy hearts we decided, that since Brinnlie was stable and was as good as she can be for the time being, to head home last night and be with our other little ones. 

Gunnar and I had had a date scheduled to go to an Aggie game and I missed it because of being in the hospital, so as soon as we got home, we loaded every one up and headed for Logan so Gunnar and I could have our date.  Trevor dropped Gunnar and I off at the game and took Macie and Broxton out to dinner and listened to the game on the radio.  We left early ‘cause it was a blow-out (Aggies won)and went to Wal-mart for a few things then got home and kids to bed.  After showering and getting things in order, Trevor called to check in on Brinnlie and she was doing the same as we left her earlier so we got a good nights sleep. 

For the morning report she’s still the same, which is good, she’s just working on getting recuperated from surgery and focusing on growing.  Today will be a ‘growing day’ on which we will stay home and keep things going here.  It’s very hard to have her there and we are torn between staying at her bedside and leaving home and our other little ones behind.  As long as she’s doing well and stable we will be home and call when we want, visiting when we can.  When she gets bigger and we can start doing things for her we will spend more time there, but right now our kids at home need us more.  We will go tomorrow morning and spend the day with her, getting the rounds report and then we will go to a parents meeting and get support there from others in our situation.  We attended one meeting at the University like this and met a few parents, one in particular with very similar story to ours and it helped to see how much they have grown and be optimistic about things.

We thank you so very much for your outreaching and prayers for our family, and greatly appreciate your words of encouragement and testimony.  We’re in for a long, bumpy road and hope to continue to inspire others as well as receive inspiration and prayers as well.

I will try to update as often as I can so check back, and again, THANK YOU!