It Doesn’t Take Much

I know, I know, I am HORRIBLE at posting!!!  This has been in the works for days now, I apologize.

As I headed to Salt Lake on Saturday, being alone (explained later) I had the opportunity to listen to music.  When Trevor and I go, talk radio is usually on, rarely is it just music, and we’re usually talking anyway.  So, this day I had no other distractions and listened and sang along with the songs.  I noticed that the station I had it on was playing the same songs in the same order as the day before.  I knew which song was coming up next, and knowing this, my mind turned to the words of them and I could better sing with them.  Miley Cyrus’ song, The Climb came on and by the second chorus, I was in tears. 

Sunday morning as Trevor was at meetings and I had a minute I was at the computer.  Facebook time; my sister Stacey happened to be on-line.  I dropped her an ‘are you there?’ and with her ‘yep’, there they were again.  There’s  just something about hearing/’seeing’ a caring ‘voice’.

Sunday afternoon, after making it through sacrament meeting tear-free, the Bishop came over and asked how I was doing, yep, tears started rolling.  Then in RS a sister asked if I could give an update; after saying one sentence there they were again.

I would like to say Monday went by without one falling, but, no luck.  That morning was spent running errands with Macie and Broxton.  We were at Wal-Mart, and trying to get Broxton in the cart without lifting him was quite the scene.  Even though we were at the side of a bench so they could climb in, it was difficult---this made me teary eyed---so frustrating!  And many of you know me, once they start, it’s hard to get them to stop.  So, the rest of the day I was on the edge.  After pumping in the afternoon, I couldn’t help it---I finally got more milk coming and this made for a happy cry!

Tuesday; nope, didn’t make it through the day.  I received Brinnlie’s birthday keepsake in the mail which tells the meaning of her name and facts about the day she was born.  Her name means ‘strong’.  Tears.  And later, a simple card from my visiting teachers did me in. 

So, it doesn’t take much these days, my emotions are so close to the surface still.

Saturday I got to take Stephanie to see Brinnlie---FINALLY!  Stephanie had not gotten the chance yet and I was starting to feel bad.  She was the one who I called that Friday morning on the way to the hospital and with no hesitation she was at my house with my kids.  She stayed with them for most of the time we were gone and didn’t get a chance to visit at the hospital.  She was there when we needed her most and we are so very thankful for her and her willingness to care.  So for her to go so long without seeing Brinnlie made me jump at the chance Saturday.  Stephanie had a volleyball tournament in Murray, so I went and picked her up from it and headed to Primary’s.  We stayed for a bit and then went out to eat.  Mmm, Crown Burger.  We ate and talked for a while then headed home.  It was a great day to spend time with Stephanie and talk and visit---we will definitely have to do it again!

Tuesday after getting Gunnar off to school and when Trevor finished chores, we dropped Macie and Broxton off at Shawna’s and headed to SLC.  Macie and Broxton were so excited to go play with Jocelyn, and they had so much fun! We left as early as we could so we could be back before Gunnar got off the bus.  This seems to work the best, then Gunnar doesn’t realize we are gone and makes for a happier time.  Brinnlie is doing fairly well.  They keep increasing her feeds as much as they can and will continue to do so as long as she tolerates it.  She was up to 540 grams---in pounds, 1 lb. 3 oz.---we joked with the nurse, 5.4 hectograms sounded better with a bigger number; go back to your elementary math days---but, this is what we do every weight update, so we printed a conversion table for reference.  Anyway, she’s doing okay growing wise, oh yeah, she was 2 centimeters longer too, up to 28, a little over 10 inches.  So she’s growing a bit, but it’s slowly.  It seems like forever because this is her biggest hurdle at the moment in order to move forward with the ventilator coming out. 

They took an x-ray of her chest and it doesn’t look good.  They classified her from having lung disease to having chronic lung disease.  Her lungs are getting worse and now they are watching and hoping that pneumonia doesn’t set in.  This has made her oxygen levels go up and she’s been within the 50%-70% range---She needs to get bigger so they can extubate her.  This will help her lungs not get worse.  It’s a wait and see, day-to-day ‘game’, and it’s tough to play.  She still looks good and everything else seems to be okay.  We continue to pray and hope for the best.  She’s so little still and it’s seems like such a long road, but it’s crazy to think she’s almost a month old.

 

You can get a little perspective as to Brinnlie’s size, these are her nurse’s hands as she did cares…